The Blank Page

Whom do I tell when I tell a blank page? ~ Virgina Wolf

The blank page is waiting for what is already known. I look at the blank space and know it’s up to me to let it go, to put down the words that swirl within me, to share my fear of what I already know. The blank page is welcoming to me – I want to see what appears on the page, I’m eager to answer the questions that show up either through a character or simply an injury during my morning pages. What questions do I want to have answered now?

I’m a solitary writer – I enjoy being by myself, not so much an introvert, but I’m perfectly content to spend time with myself Yes, I love my friends and spending time with them is important, to connect with like-minded people is what nourish my creative spirit.

One year my husband and friends of ours were on vacation in Maui. It was my second time to the magical island and I was looking forward to spending time with the writing, along with enjoying the tropical island life. The first time my husband and I were in Maui I wrote a screenplay or a version of a romance screenplay. I had fun with it. This trip I was open to any idea that creativity provided. I’m open to creativity and the ideas it whispers to me.

We went on a snorkeling adventure to Molokini rock. There may have been sixty other people on this boat and I felt this great creative energy, I was ready for this experience. I watched people interact with one another and with one small glimpse of a woman fawning over the good-looking Captain who was giving us safety instructions of the boat a story sparked within me. Instantly I felt myself be removed from the other people, my husband, and friends. Yes, I was there in body, but my mind and spirit quickly pulled out my notebook and I started to write.

I wrote two thousand words that morning on the boat and I was grateful that no one interrupted me. They know me, I’m their writer friend, I tend to write at the drop of a pen (I know, I know, sorry for the pun). Once I finished this spurt of writing I was back on the boat gazing out at the ocean, engaging with my husband and friends. The story was started and lingering within. I knew once the characters started talking, sharing their stories I couldn’t walk away. I was hooked and wanted to write their story. The rest of the time in Maui I would sit on the beach and scribble away as my friends paddle-boarded or snorkel. I enjoyed my time by the ocean and soaked up the sun. I honored the creativity and took the time to get down the words when they came. For that I am grateful.

Until next time, keep on typing. . . .

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Write a letter

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When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone? I don’t mean a business letter, but a long handed letter, where the pen glides along the paper, emotions pouring onto the page trying to tell a story. I have an idea of putting together a book filled with love letter and calling it ‘The art of a love letter’ or ‘The art of the love letter has died.’ I know it sounds depressing but it’s true, no one I know sits down and writes their partner a love letter just because, and if you do, I applaud you. I write little love notes to my partner and recently I went into his wallet (because he was driving and he needed the Visa for the ferry fare) and what did I find, one of the love notes I recently left for him. Let me tell you, I smiled with great pleasure. He smiled and I know what that means, he loves me and he loves my quirky little love notes.

love letter

I also write letters to myself from time to time, especially when I am writing my morning pages. I’m pouring onto the page to please keep writing and I do. I use to write a lot more letters when I was younger, before email, instant messaging, Facebook and every other social media form. But it’s important to keep writing letters, there is something about putting pen to paper. Or am I the only who still thinks letter writing is worth the time?

When I forget about letter writing I pick up the Observation Deck by Naomi Epel and reread the ‘Write a letter’ reminder.

If you are stuck in your work, write a letter describing your current dilemma. Outline what you are trying to accomplish and name the obstacles in your way. As you write about this thing you want to do, you may very well find it taking shape right there on the paper. Writing a letter helps relieve unnecessary pressure. You don’t have to create perfect prose, you are simply playing. And out of your attempt to understand and communicate, new ideas and the words to express them will emerge. ~Naomi Epel

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I tend to express myself much better on the page than in person, I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t writing down first what I wanted to say to someone. This little trait came in handy recently. I’ve been reconnected to a good a friend and I found myself feeling nervous about what to talk about when we decided to talk on the phone. I started to  write him a letter and once I was able to put down on the page what I was stuck on it became easier to express myself when we did talk.

Is there someone from your past that you would like to write today? A friend? A teacher? A former spouse? Express things you were never able to tell this person. Share some of the insights you’ve gained since your last communication. You need not mail this letter – simply voice your thoughts and feelings on paper. You may come to understand an unresolved issue that has blocked your progress or haunted once of your characters. ~ Naomi Epel

Until next time, keep on typing…

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Fairy Godmothers and Goals

What are your goals this year? #amwriting #goalsetting #goals

My Name Is Marion Ann

2015 Leap

It’s 11 days into the New Year and I’m leaping into 2015 with process of goal setting. I’ve sat in on webinars on how to set specific writing goals, what do I want to work on this year; then I recently just watched a video from Natalie Macneil, She Takes On the World. It’s very simple and feeds my creative side. I love to write down my goals and I really enjoy creating vision boards; Natalie’s approach to goal setting has best of the both writing and creating a vision board. Here is what she has to say:

I downloaded the ‘Bigger Picture’ goal setting sheets and sat down and wrote out my five milestones for each goal, and then I made a list of what is needed to be done each day, each week to complete my goals. One of my goals is to blog more, I am…

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A Journey takes one step

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It’s been 48 days on my no chocolate challenge. I started this challenge to break the habit of eating chocolate everyday and on some days more than my fair share. I wanted to tame the addiction, the ego, the old behavior that “thought” it needed to have chocolate because it was part of some routine and if I didn’t follow the routine I’d some-way suffer. I learned a lot about myself this time around on my no chocolate challenge. In the past I would go at least a week or two without the delicious rich coco bean, but always fall back into it delicious temptation of creamy, dark, salted, caramel sweetness.

This challenge was more than just quitting chocolate, it was about learning to pay more attention to my thoughts and feelings, not just shove food into my mouth just because I thought I was hungry. Then during a moment of self doubt I was introduced to a food addiction writer, Geneen Roth and something clicked for me when reading two of her books. It made sense to me that even though I understand meditation, the higher power and enlightenment, I wasn’t really letting go of things that seemed to be holding on to me that I was not aware of, like boredom. Even though I wasn’t board my ego was and then I’d find myself eating another granola bar, or find some mints in my drawer to chomp on, get another tea, or chew some gum.  Chocolate was just my go to choice of food that I thought made me feel better, but when my jeans became tighter and working out was more of a chore than part of my daily life style I knew something had to change.

Geneene Roth talks about The Voice, it’s the voice that tells you it’s impossible. It says: You’ve always been like this, you’ll always be like this, what’s the point. No one ever really changes. Might as well eat. By the way, have you taken a look at your arms recently?…Who are you Queen of the Universe? How many times do you have to fall flat on your face before you learn to keep your mouth shut?… From Women Food and God

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You can call the voice anything you relate to, the ego is the voice for me and I know when the voice speaks it’s just thoughts and I don’t’ have to hook into them, but I’m human and I sometimes take the bait. However, once I start going out there, riding the arrow of thought I quickly ask “Who is thinking this?” and I am brought back to myself, right here and now. I am perfect just I am to be at this very moment. I am at the right place in my journey and giving up chocolate is part of my journey, because it opened the doors to other things that I need to let go of.

I changed some of my routines slightly; and after three weeks without chocolate, less candy and one less glass of wine, I started to feel better. I accepted help from nutritionists and started to take supplements that my body was asking for, like liquid omega 3 and within a week I could feel and see a difference in my body and mind. better. I felt the haze that was hovering over my mind slowly lift.

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Now 50 days without chocolate I am transforming as I have intended, to live a clear and clean life. I’m not saying that not eating chocolate with bring you to enlightenment, but it was part of my journey and I’m grateful for this experience to learn from, to share and to be, just like my daily prayer to the universe, “I am grateful to be alive to accept today’s gifts to learn, to share, to be.”

Until next time my friends…keep on typing.

 

Not much to say…

I don’t have much to say at the moment. I mean I do, but I have a head cold that leaves me with a heavy head and not much energy. I have been doing some writing on a new story along with restructuring my memoir which has been a slow process. Just being honest because sometimes the writing is not as fluid as I would care it to be, and that’s just how it is at the moment.

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I’m heading back to bed for a nap to hopefully sleep this cold into submission. What do you do when you have a cold?

Until next time….keep on typing.

 

 

Day 17

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It’s day 17 of my no chocolate challenge. Day 17 out of my 28 day commitment. Funny it’s 28 days, isn’t that how many days some rehabilitation program are? After some research, there are 28 or 30 day program to get and stay clean from a substance which will help you discover a longer program if needed. From rehabs.com  a 28 or 30 day program a good starting point for struggling addicts, the programs give you enough time to get your head clear, detox and stay sober. Having a clear mind with help you make healthy and clear decisions by the end of the program.

Giving up chocolate has been very much like giving up alcohol or drugs. The first seven days I seemed to be okay despite the occasional craving and moments where my ego wanted to just buy some chocolate and say “no one will ever know….” Do addicts say this about their choice of addiction? Probably, I know I have said this to myself in the past when I would stop into my favorite chocolate shop and get three or four dark chocolate salted camels, “no one will know I was here, no one will know that I’ll eat one now and then one later and the vicious circle of no-one-will-know spirals out of control and every day I’m in the chocolate shop thinking “no will know”.

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Then on day 14  of this no chocolate challenge I became very frustrated with still craving chocolate, still thinking about it. I gave up chocolate once before and it seemed to be easier, this time I am more aware of the withdrawal of chocolate, the constant struggle of seeing chocolate everywhere, I mean it’s everywhere, every store I’ve gone into in the past 17 days there is some type of chocolate. I have to be honest and say that i’s been very hard this time around to give up chocolate and I finally asked myself on day 14 why is it so hard this time? After talking with a friend the question now “what is in chocolate that my body is looking for? So I did a little research and I found that if the body is craving chocolate it might be needing magnesium. I totally did not even think that I was lacking vitamins or minerals and I’m usually very aware of what I eat or what fuels I need to keep the body moving. So I started to take a magnesium supplement and also adding kudzu to my smoothies. kudzu is a Chinese herb that basically prevents excessive consumption. Perfect! It’s also great as a thickener for cooking, no more corn starch – even better!

So it’s day 17, three days after I asked the question of what might my body be needing vs, why is this so hard, I’m feeling much better. I actually was in the grocery store yesterday and faced with Halloween candy and chocolate as soon as I walked into the store. I didn’t even think “no one will know”. I take this as a personal triumph and break through.

support

28 days of not eating chocolate is turning out to be about more than not eating chocolate. I’m learning more about my body and being very aware of my thoughts. I mediate daily and meditation helps with the thoughts and emotions. They are just thoughts and the key is not to hook into the thoughts, just let them float by and take a deep breath. The support of my friends and family is very helpful, now they are rooting for me to see my commitment through which is very helpful, I feel their support, I am very thankful. I’ve made a commitment to myself and to others – I will follow through.

Thank’s for letting me share. Until next time, keep on typing…..

 

It’s feeling a lot like fall

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I woke up early this morning and the sky was gray with a hint of light, hoping it’s going to turn into another sunny September day. Then it started to rain as I left the house to my favorite cafe to do some writing, actually today’s goal is revisions and structure. I don’t mind the rain, I actually like it. I love when it’s sunny but at the same time there is something about the rain that washes away the old energy to make room for new energy, new life, new excitement. The rain is washing away my current routine of not writing as much as I know I can be or want to be be, and yesterday was the start of a new found excitement to get some writing done!

It’s defiantly a fall morning, the rain reminds us that we live on the West coast of Vancouver Island, we have two seasons, rain and no rain. We’ve been so blessed with such an amazing summer, and today’s rain is very much welcomed. We need it, the ground needs it, water is essential to our lives.

This Monday morning I arrived at my favorite cafe and there were two other people in the cafe. It’s very quiet and I enjoy the stillness of the morning. I am happy to report that I’ve started on the structure of my memoir and it feels really good to get back into the swing of things. I set my goals and I’m following through and that feels good, it feels natural and that’s a good sign of my ego buggering off. Yes, I have a hard time getting settled, it may take a half hour of puttering around, getting tea, the right pen, the right background music, but once I’m here I’m not going anywhere for how ever long that writing sessions lasts. Yesterday I sat down for an hour and it felt more like minutes that floated by as I started to dive into the structure of my memoir. I love when that moment happens, as I love every writing session that I am blessed with. I learn a few things about myself, like I’m enjoying no music if I’m reading my work out loud. It helps me to hear what I’ve written. I’m enjoying my writing room more and more. I’ve added a few more items to my writing vision board that represent my goals and creative life style that I have manifested; truthfully the creative life has chosen me and I’m writing what is being provided and that my friends is a blessing.

cafe

Now the cafe is filling up with people escaping the rain that seems to be falling harder and longer than maybe we’ve expected. I’m enjoying my Green Yerba Mate tea that comforts me as I begin to work on my writing.

What are you doing on this fresh new day? Are you spending time with your passion? I’d love to hear from you.

Until next time, keep on typing….