F is for the F-bomb

Words are powerful.

The f-bomb for those who may not be aware is using the f&% word randomly on a frequent basis, maybe because they can’t find another word to express the feeling, it can be a filler word, or it’s a habit from hearing it so often in society, movies, TV shows. I will be the first to admit that I use the f-bomb and not that this is an excuse, I am a Navy brat, I grew up around sailors and living on a Navy Base doesn’t help the cause, it’s bound to happen but again, no excuses.

When I was in junior high , my friends and I used the f-word like it was going out of style; hurry-up-and-use-it-before-it-goes-away type of hurriness. Then after a while, one of my friends said they didn’t want to hang out with me anymore because I swore to much. Ouch! I cried because my friend was the one who encouraged our filthy language, she made it out like it was our little secretly, see how long we can get away with it type of manipulation. A week later after I stopped myself from using any curse words, what do I hear? The very girl who befriended me for swearing. What the (insert your choice of word here).

Thirty years later I find myself cringing at the filler word and stop myself if I’m amongst friends and have the urge to let the word fly. It’s a habit that I am breaking. I ask myself is this the best version of me? Usually the answer is no and I chose a different work to describe my displeasure. As a writer it’s fun to find new words to slip into the vocabulary. My new word for displeasure; conniption, this makes me smile to let go of what no longer serves me.

Until next time, keep on typing….

 

 

 

 

 

What is your experience with cursing? Have you noticed a shift your language verses others? I would love to hear from you.

C is for Crazymakers

I love Julia Cameron’s, The Artist’s Way. I read it for the first time over eight years ago and I have been re-reading it, the book is now dog-eared, passages highlights, sticky notes on the side. It is one of my number one go to inspirational and motivational writing reference books. The first time I read about crazymakers I was shaking my head and saying ‘oh yes, I have a few of those.’                                      What is a crazymaker?

They are people with those personalities that create storm centre’s. They are often charismatic, frequently charming, highly inventive, and powerfully persuasive. And, for the creative person i their vicinity, they are enormously destructive. You know the type: charismatic but out of control, long on problems and short on solutions. Crazymakers are the kind of people who can take over your whole life. To fixer-uppers, they are irresistible: so much to change, so many distractions. . . .

I knew who were my crazymakers in my life and it took some time to walk away from them. I would want to be writing and the people who needed my attention for whatever reason sucked me away from the page that I was ready to fill with stories to share. I only had myself to blame on the choices I made, therefore it came to a point where I said, enough is enough and writing comes first, my friends will understand and my friends did understand. My crazymakers tried to hold on, but I slowly let go and now it feels like a faded memory of how I was bogged down with trying to fix others when I needed to work on me.

I want to thank my dear friend Christine Goyer-Swift for leaving me a copy of The Artist’s Way that one night during meditation. I left the sanctuary early and there on the bench was her copy of the book with a sticky note that shared I might like the book. We met people for a reason and I’m so grateful for a thoughtful moment that has flourished into a great journey.

Until next time, keep on typing….

Making Space for the Unknown

It’s been a creative week. I left the mini-marketing/writing gathering last week filled with enthusiasm and joy. I didn’t really have to tell myself that I had to hold onto the feeling, I just knew that what I was feeling, the pure awareness of the true self wanted to stay a front, to use her voice and you know what? I stepped aside and went with the flow.

My partner and I have been looking for a new place to live as you know we have been given notice so that our landlords son can move into the condo now. I have gotten over the grief of it all now, I went through all the stages, anger, sadness, and now I’ve moved onto the let’s-get-the-next-chapters-of-our-lives-going stage.             I’ve been ready to make space for what is to come. However the truth of it all is a bit frustrating. Victoria, BC, much like other major cities, is in this housing bubble where it is very difficult to find a place to rent. There are many places for rent but when you make an appointment to view a place you show up and the landlords have already rented it or are just showing it to see who is going to offer them cash on the spot to ensure they have a place to live. Or the pictures on the Craigslist add are slightly not what you is in reality or ten people show up to a showing and it’s basically a crap shoot who is going to get chosen. It’s very disheartening. What I am grateful for is our friends who are looking out for us, calling, texting, sharing with me places they have seen on their way to work, word of mouth, just a heads up. It’s all very comforting.

Faith is your best buddy when you’re scared shitless – Jenn Sincero

I have been packing up my books and cleaning out closets to make space for the new. This is to say that I am ready to leave this place and move into a new place, a safe and welcoming home that will help us get to where we are going. Sure I have fear pop up and say hello from time to time, but I’m okay. I have faith and trust in the universe that all will be as it should.

Then creativity shows up and whispers, don’t forget about me. How could I? I can never forget my creativity, she is right here with me. In the middle of what seems to be a daunting time, I have to carry on, I go to the hotel life and do my job. I hosted a first aid class during the week and without warning, like most of the time, creativity was there waiting for me. Our instructor was this amazing human being who said one line and creativity pointed feverishly like a little kid, did you hear that, that’s golden, he’s your Broc, he’s your Paris story! Get writing! In one moment I knew my story that I was given over a month ago was now falling into place. I watched our first aid instructor all day and made mental notes while learning how to save someones life. It was a very abundant and grateful day. Creativity is everywhere, it’s our job to pay attention and write it all down.

With change comes insight. I’m embracing the shift and taking one step at a time, I’m trusting that I am being led in the best direction that is meant for me.

Have you been faced with an unexpected change? How are you managing? Know that I am here to support you, I’d love to hear from you.

Until next time, keep on typing. . . .

Reminders

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                 Painting by Laurie Pace

Another week has come and gone. I feel like time is slipping by quickly and I wonder if anyone else feels the same? I honestly didn’t take any time during the week to write beyond my morning pages and I was aware of my mood. When I don’t write or work towards my passion I am aware of how my energy changes, my actions reflect the lack of motivation I have for anything. I end up living the routine to just get through the day and that doesn’t do anyone any good.

Then in one moment I am reminded of my passion and that writing is always a part of my life.

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Friends of mine were staying at the hotel I work for and they were traveling with friends. When they stopped in to say hi I was thrilled to see them. As my friend introduced me to their friends she said “Marion Ann is a writer as well.” She waved towards her friend, we’ll call her Riley, and shared that her friend was starting to write blogs. I shared how I was a writer who works in a hotel and writing is always with me. They asked if I had anything published and I shared my short list (I’m proud of my list) and went a step further to share my intentions with my latest manuscript. Riley voiced, “I admire you for being on the publication train, I’m not there yet but one day.” And I shared, yes, it’s a journey but the writing deserves to be shared, it doesn’t deserve to sit in the desk drawer any longer. I was given this talent and I’m here to share the creativity. As I spoke these words I truly felt this notion, I’ve shared this before but it’s worth to share again and again. I whole heartily believe that creativity has chosen me to work with and my job is to write and share. So that day I decided to take Saturday off and to work on what was needed to get one step closer to sharing my work.

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I sat in my writing room and wrote the day away which was filled with mini breaks and sitting idle for the creativity to show up and share. For this I am grateful.

Until next time, keep on typing. . . .

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The Push – Gratitude for Change

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I wrote this when my bruised ego was and still processing a sticky situation. Then as divine intervention just knows when I need a little spiritual hug, I was invited to join the second Gratitude Gathering with Jo-Ann Carson and it all makes sense to me. I am very grateful for the pure awareness, this moment here and now. I have been using writing prompts to kick start the creative flow. This is the one that spoke to me:

Smoke, Fog, and Haze: Write about not being able to see ahead of you.

I’m not going to set a timer to this writing prompt – I’m letting it sit with me as I have recently had some change occur in our lives. Not that I didn’t know it was coming, deep down I felt approaching because we’ve been manifesting this very situation. The universe is now saying, ‘okay, that’s long enough, time for me to step in.’ bam! Here you go.

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I’ve been a bit of a fog these last few weeks, maybe even months. I tried several things to help the mind, such as supplements, fish oils, stay away from sugar and alcohol, stress, drama, all the things that distract me. I tried to sit here on the page where everything seems to be the clearest. However, my job can be filled with drama which can cause stress, which numbs me and I retreat within and I can’t seem to see beyond what is right in front of me. I’ve been gliding along in this smoky, foggy haze state of mind and though my higher self was very aware, waving arms around calling out ‘hello, anyone home? time to get to the page.’ Then as I make my way to the page everything seems brighter and things make sense. This is my truth.

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The change that occurred, the situation the universe now has put at the fore-front? It’s about moving. We live in a very nice two bedroom, two bathroom apartment within a five-plex building. It’s very quiet, in a great neighborhood and the list of positives goes on. A few months ago my husband and I realized our goals and passions require more finances and the one area that would help out would be by moving to another place fore less rent. We didn’t put a lot of energy into the matter and we continued to glide along in our daily lives. My husband and I would discuss our goals over and over and the centering theme was money – we needed to be spending less and saving more. Our grocery shopping was cut down by more plant based meals, but still something was missing, it was the fact that fifty percent of my salary was going to rent and the cost of living in Victoria, BC is not cheap – it’s one of the most expensive cities to live in Canada and we were choosing to stay right where we were.

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A few days ago our landlord called and he is a very direct man, he doesn’t dance around any issue. The conversation basically went like this, hello, it’s a busy time as it must be busy for you at the hotel, good for the economy, so we would like you to sign a lease for a year with a ten percent rental increase but if you don’t want to sign a lease then you would need to leave by the end of May so my son can move in, we can’t find him a decent place in the city for less than $1700 a month. Don’t get us wrong you are wonderful tenants and we like having you live there, the market has gone up or property taxes have gone up and…. At this point I’m not listening – the ego has woken up and full on human emotions are starting to flare up. I tell our landlord I will speak with him at the end of the month with our decision and that is pretty much how we ended the call. A little of my old behavior peered through the cracks of my bruised ego of “thinking” how can this happen, we are good people and I want to tell this villainess man to taking a  flying leap (okay, maybe a few more f-bombs in there)

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Through the haze of the emotions, I know, this is what is needed to move forward with our passions and goals. We asked for the universes help and we didn’t do anything about it, so now the universe is like, no more lying around, it’s time and remember, if not now, when? Deep down I know this is the right path and even though my old behavior wants to hold onto something familiar but that’s fear and there is no way I’m afraid of change or moving forward. This has been a lesson for me to keep myself in check that I need to be walking the talk, and lately I haven’t been doing that. As I sit here and write the truth I have more energy and that spark that I know has always been there is glowing brighter.

Through the smoke, fog, and haze I can see the light and I am ever so grateful for this moment.

Until next time, keep on typing. . . .

thank-you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When you click the blue frog button below, you will see a list of participating blogs. Each one has written a post about gratitude.

That Day, I Felt So Powerful…

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This is writing prompt number three from Danielle Pope’s, Write Now, Writing prompt cards part of a thirty-day challenge. This challenge is part of my 2017 writing goals, to write two blogs a week for the next year.

The writing prompt card says:

That day, I felt so powerful…

Write for 10 minutes. Describe what is happening in this scene.

I have pressed the timer and I have no idea what to write. Does this prompt mean how I personally felt one day, or maybe it’s one of my characters. I am trying to dig deep on my first a-ha moment, maybe the first time I thought I found God, but really it was more like the first step in my spiritual awakening. Or is the day that I first started to meditate, truly sit down and be still with myself? I’m at a loss.

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First, I just got home from work and I made a commitment to write this blog either before or after work. Since I took longer in the gym, then the extra five minutes in the shower to get ready for work, so here I am writing after work. I don’t want to come home and sit on the sofa and zone out to re-runs of Friends on Netflix, or even turn on Netflix and find myself three hours later knee-deep in another series. That does not make me feel powerful at all. I feel drained, so what makes me feel powerful is to follow through with my commitments, to be with creativity. I thought of the night that I found out that my ex-boyfriend had cheated on me, again, yes again. I felt so hurt, but the way I handled it was stronger than I thought I could be. I was left on the dance floor heart-broken, after the girl who he had been cheating on me with, told me she was his lover and I was stupid for not even noticing. I was working so much trying to prove myself as a young food and beverage manager, in a world that I fell into, a hotel world that I sometimes think is a very distant dream. The next day after a long night of crying and fighting with my ex-boyfriend, I was ready to vanish. I was ready to leave everything behind. I had enough, I had been made a fool of, not only didn’t I notice his messing around on me, but I also didn’t notice that everyone else did notice and didn’t tell me. I thought my friends were friends and that was clearly not the case. I was done with the resort and hotel life and everyone that whispered behind my back. When I poured my heart out to my friend and manger, the shared something with me that triggered a little spark inside me.

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“People don’t know what is actually happening behind closed doors. What you and your boyfriend are going through is your story, no one else’s. Think about what will happen if you leave. Don’t leave just because your heart got broken, stay because you can heal it.” I thought she was crazy, stay and heal my heart? Why would I want to do that?

The timer has stopped. I actually jumped a little when the buzzer went off. I immediately thought, damn, I’m not finished, but that’s okay, I can finish the thoughts later, but for now, this is what I’m sharing with you. Yes, it seems to be a little messy, but life is messy and not to worry, in the end, everything is cleaned up as it needed to be. I’m here to write about it.

Until next time, keep on typing. . . .

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The Story I’m Meant to Write

Thirty Day Writing Challenge ~ One Writing Prompt at a Time

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I’m working on my 2017 blogging goals and to kick start my goal, I’ve chosen thirty writing prompt cards as part of a thirty day writing challenge. So here we go;

The timer has started (I’m using my iPhone timer, simple and reliable).

The Story I’m meant to write…

The Story I’m meant to write is of my experiences, my writing life experiences, which means my life experiences. They say, write what you know. I know what I’ve experienced, the stories that I was a part of, the loving times and the hard times. The times where I lived through my stories, my characters so I wouldn’t have to deal with my life, a life that seemed boring and deep down I knew I was meant for something else. I wanted to share the stories that came to me, the stories that inspired me, the TV shows and movies that I loved and gave me sparks of inspiration, glimpses into what I could create, the sky’s the limit, just write what comes to you and keep writing was the theme singing in my heart. I didn’t question if the story or idea was happy or sad, I just wrote it, people need to read something to get their mind off their own troubles, that’s why I write or watch a movie, TV. The story I am meant to write is of right here and now, what I know, the troubles I’ve had with men, oh dear, how I’ve had a journey with men. I started out with a great boyfriend and in the middle I ended up with a few men that I could have done without, but if I didn’t then I wouldn’t be with the man of my dreams, the man that I cherish, the man that is right next to me, every step of the way. I am so lucky. I don’t regret my choices, I may say that I could have made a different choice, but again, it would be a different universe, I would be in another time and place if I didn’t stay with the man that said he loved me but really he didn’t know how to love me the way he wanted to or I would let him. You see, that man betrayed me and I could never forgive him, even though I said I could. Deep down, my true self knew I deserved better, and my change in attitude towards our relationship reflected the way we parted. In the end it was all for one experience, one moment in time, one moment that I can say I lived through and share right here and now. This the story I am meant to write, the little snippets of life, those crazy little times that seem so right at the time, but the next day you wonder what the hell you were thinking. I wouldn’t be here, in Victoria, BC, living in a beautiful part of the country, working at a hotel that has provided me with so much and so many stories that I have a life time of books to write, or short stories, plays, or/and screen plays. I have so many ideas and it starts with getting to the page.

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The timer has gone off. Once again my heart is beating quickly, I get so excited to write, to just sit down and let the words flow onto the page how they may. Where will these writing prompts lead me? I don’t know and that’s okay. I am the vessel of creativity and this is the story I am meant to write.

Until next time, keep on typing. . . .

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