I wrote this when my bruised ego was and still processing a sticky situation. Then as divine intervention just knows when I need a little spiritual hug, I was invited to join the second Gratitude Gathering with Jo-Ann Carson and it all makes sense to me. I am very grateful for the pure awareness, this moment here and now. I have been using writing prompts to kick start the creative flow. This is the one that spoke to me:
Smoke, Fog, and Haze: Write about not being able to see ahead of you.
I’m not going to set a timer to this writing prompt – I’m letting it sit with me as I have recently had some change occur in our lives. Not that I didn’t know it was coming, deep down I felt approaching because we’ve been manifesting this very situation. The universe is now saying, ‘okay, that’s long enough, time for me to step in.’ bam! Here you go.
I’ve been a bit of a fog these last few weeks, maybe even months. I tried several things to help the mind, such as supplements, fish oils, stay away from sugar and alcohol, stress, drama, all the things that distract me. I tried to sit here on the page where everything seems to be the clearest. However, my job can be filled with drama which can cause stress, which numbs me and I retreat within and I can’t seem to see beyond what is right in front of me. I’ve been gliding along in this smoky, foggy haze state of mind and though my higher self was very aware, waving arms around calling out ‘hello, anyone home? time to get to the page.’ Then as I make my way to the page everything seems brighter and things make sense. This is my truth.
The change that occurred, the situation the universe now has put at the fore-front? It’s about moving. We live in a very nice two bedroom, two bathroom apartment within a five-plex building. It’s very quiet, in a great neighborhood and the list of positives goes on. A few months ago my husband and I realized our goals and passions require more finances and the one area that would help out would be by moving to another place fore less rent. We didn’t put a lot of energy into the matter and we continued to glide along in our daily lives. My husband and I would discuss our goals over and over and the centering theme was money – we needed to be spending less and saving more. Our grocery shopping was cut down by more plant based meals, but still something was missing, it was the fact that fifty percent of my salary was going to rent and the cost of living in Victoria, BC is not cheap – it’s one of the most expensive cities to live in Canada and we were choosing to stay right where we were.
A few days ago our landlord called and he is a very direct man, he doesn’t dance around any issue. The conversation basically went like this, hello, it’s a busy time as it must be busy for you at the hotel, good for the economy, so we would like you to sign a lease for a year with a ten percent rental increase but if you don’t want to sign a lease then you would need to leave by the end of May so my son can move in, we can’t find him a decent place in the city for less than $1700 a month. Don’t get us wrong you are wonderful tenants and we like having you live there, the market has gone up or property taxes have gone up and…. At this point I’m not listening – the ego has woken up and full on human emotions are starting to flare up. I tell our landlord I will speak with him at the end of the month with our decision and that is pretty much how we ended the call. A little of my old behavior peered through the cracks of my bruised ego of “thinking” how can this happen, we are good people and I want to tell this villainess man to taking a flying leap (okay, maybe a few more f-bombs in there)
Through the haze of the emotions, I know, this is what is needed to move forward with our passions and goals. We asked for the universes help and we didn’t do anything about it, so now the universe is like, no more lying around, it’s time and remember, if not now, when? Deep down I know this is the right path and even though my old behavior wants to hold onto something familiar but that’s fear and there is no way I’m afraid of change or moving forward. This has been a lesson for me to keep myself in check that I need to be walking the talk, and lately I haven’t been doing that. As I sit here and write the truth I have more energy and that spark that I know has always been there is glowing brighter.
Through the smoke, fog, and haze I can see the light and I am ever so grateful for this moment.
Until next time, keep on typing. . . .
When you click the blue frog button below, you will see a list of participating blogs. Each one has written a post about gratitude.