Every Monday I get up and start my day like every morning, I write my morning pages; three long hand pages, a writing practice that was shared by Julia Cameron. Then I normally post my Monday Blog and move along to working on another blog to post mid-week. I have now started to meditate after I write morning pages, I have this sense of feeling not as grounded as I am. It has to do with not writing as much as I intended to. The theme of writing about the struggles of not writing, rings louder and louder in my mind these days.
As I work on a new writing project and cleaning up my manuscript I am reminded of past patterns, those old behaviors that seem to take over because the ego “thinks” I need to be doing something rather than writing. Then there’s my true self who is now screaming out to write more, to be with creativity more, to let go of the old behaviors to let my true self take over. I’ve worked hard at my creative life, and it takes practice to get where I’m going.
Writing practice let’s out all your wild horses. Everything you never dared to utter – didn’t even know you thought – comes galloping and whinnying across the page. This is good. You become connected with a much larger force field, one where you’re not in control. Suddenly your little will is not doing the writing, but instead writing does writing. The trees and skies, cemeteries, nightclubs, barns, old loves and worn shoes step forward and take their true positions. ~ Natalie Goldberg
I write about the struggles I’ve had with myself when I should have been writing, then I think I wouldn’t haven anything to write about if I didn’t go through those experiences. It’s a very double edge sword, one that I wouldn’t change because I know. I know that I was chosen and that I was able to handle was came at me, that I was able to live through the worst times and move forward. For this, I am grateful. I put the pen to page and let the wild horses trample across the page leaving no stone unturned.
I like to take my notebook to a cafe, order a large cup of hot chocolate and a croissant, and hunker down into my terrible handwriting and see what I’m about….But most important, I’m sitting there for several hours having a relationship with myself. In my busy life, I’m stopping, I’m receiving. I see that while I think I’m the active one, always doing, creating, I am also the one being created. I see that writing does writing – that who and how I am is out of my control. This allows me to relax more and accept the writing that comes through me. ~ Natalie Goldberg
I have to say ditto to Natalie’s cafe writing. I too hunker down, stop the ego and receive what the creativity fills me with and put it all down on the page. I let the wild horses gallop fiercely across the page.
Until next time, keep on typing. . . .