Pushing Forward

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It’s week two of the ten week playwright workshop. I am going through a total shift. I can’t sleep the night before the class. I couldn’t sleep two days after the first week, I was so full of fear and excitement at the same time. This shift feels so uncomfortable that the ego, my old behavioral patterns wants to quit the workshop and hide under the covers.

The breakdown of the workshop: three out of six of the students have their pages read by the other writers. I hear the words that I’ve put on the page come to life and in one instant I am giggling with excitement then I begin to shake and tears appear because it’s overwhelming to hear the other writers give their feedback on my work. I really want to run away…fast. But I stay glued to the seat and listen to the suggestions and questions. They want to know about the characters as much as I do. Why do these two characters meet? What do they want from one another? Good question. I head home and let the words of my fellow playwrights settle within and then the next couple of days ideas, conversations between my characters begin. Then I’m okay when I actually sit down and let the characters do their thing, just write down the conversations, ideas down on the page and shape/format afterwards. It’s all part of the process.

Last week I didn’t have my pages read, I was so relieved that I didn’t have to go through that process, but I know that I will have to present the upcoming week. I’m not as nervous as I was before, but I am pulling at my hair because I can see exactly what I want the characters are saying and walking on stage, but it comes out all wrong on the page. I am my own worst enemy, this is the truth. I started this blog to let go of the fears of my writing, my passion to tell a story. I have found my voice through plays and I will follow through, I will not let the ego swallow my passion whole.  I started this blog to share with you to share my obstacles of how I get in the way of my own passion. I am right here on the page, whole heartily with fear, anger and jealously how it comes easily to others, but does it? Do you have fears about your passion? I’d love to hear from you. I better get back to my characters, they are waiting to tell a story.

Until next time; keep on typing…

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