Being Awake

writer

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve actually sat down to do some writing. I was on vacation and had full intentions to write, but I didn’t. No real excuse, just didn’t take the time to sit my ass down to write. I now have been back for two weeks and I haven’t gotten into my routine of writing. My sinuses were bad for about a week after we returned, but being sick never stopped me from writing before. I feel really off. It’s very frustrating and it feels like I haven’t done any of the work that I’ve been writing, editing, rewriting for the last year. I think it’s a bit of writer’s block, but not really. I have all these ideas and I put them down on paper but I don’t follow through with any thing. I have left my memoir/play on the side line, it’s waiting for me. I see the pages in the pile I put them in a few weeks ago. I see the work on my flash drive when I plug into the laptop, but I don’t open the files, its almost like I’m afraid of actually finishing and then what? Really? I then say to the ego, really that’s the fear? I know there are several project within me to share, that’s what I’m supposed to be doing, sharing a story. When I finish this story, there is another and another, so give up ego and move over, I’m taking the drivers seat back.

So what gives? Just pure procrastination of something? I try to get back into my routine by heading to the my beloved Serious Coffee and what do I find? My regular table waiting for me. It was a breath of fresh air and when I sat down I felt different, like I had more work to do, which is the truth. I stared at pictures on Facebook, then emailed my editor/mentor then started a blog, but didn’t finish it. Then I did a few tweets, tried to finish the blog, then I looked at a new idea I started when I was in Florida and finally settled into the writing. Something from the short story seemed to turn on a switch and since Monday, I’ve been just thinking about writing, more so feeling like writing, feeling the creative process. I still get up and do my morning pages, so I am writing three pages a morning. Sometimes it’s just dumping my thoughts onto the page, for example, things like writing down what we need on our next Costco trip.  Lately it’s trying to come to terms with a few personal things that need to be resolved to become a better person, a better friend, a better writer.

Then today, my work day is a split day which at first I was a bit put off with, but when I got home, I immediately went to the computer and felt like writing. I wanted to finish this blog and then at least look at the play I’ve been working on. I actually don’t feel rushed to do anything, just a sense of wanting to be right here on the page, to write, to be writing.

I have a quote on my vision board that I’ve started: Secret to writing a bestseller – You write. You stop dreaming about writing. Stop wishing you were writing. And you write. ~ I don’t think it can be any clearer. And you write!

Thank you for being here with me. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ll properly say it again and again and one more time. I would like to share more and for some reason it’s hard for me to share. When I write it seems to be easier for some reason, but it’s still a struggle for me to push the send or publish button. Then when I do let go and my words are hanging there on the page like freshly washed clothes on a wire blowing in the soft wind with a possibility of falling off the wire; this gives me a sense of peace and I have to trust and just let go and be. So, now I’m jumping back into my writing with both feet, no fear, did you hear that ego? No fear.

What’s your fear when it comes to writing? How do you deal with your interrupted writing routine? Love to hear from you.

Until next time. Keep on typing away….

 

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